Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
