omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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