I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
