Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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