He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
