honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
