so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize