Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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