I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
