my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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