How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
