Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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