I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
