Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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