Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
