I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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