I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
