I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
