I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
