we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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