I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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