so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
