a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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