Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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