he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
