just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
