The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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