i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
