I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Found your dick twin last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i believe in u and ur pee
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
