i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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