he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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