Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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