Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
