I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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