I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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