I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
