currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
