I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
