the condom got lost in my hair
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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