Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize