HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
