and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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