he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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