Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize