i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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