omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
