please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
