I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She bit a glass in half.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
