So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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