How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
