he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
