i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
