her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
