oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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