and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
