I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
