the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
