You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
