I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
