I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
