I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
