i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just invented taco cereal.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
