Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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