"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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