your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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